To some people facing their fears could mean such things as guns or dark allys or something even more drastic. Maybe heights or something of the sort. But for me, its high heels and spiders. Yeah, you heard right. I was pretty much forced into going to the mall with my mom today. At least we went to Waffle House first. I couldn't remember the last time I ate food. Though I guess it was last night? I don't know I was starving though. But it only took 5 mins in the mall to already be tired of it. I'm beginning to think the term "shop till you drop" really just means take Karen to the mall and watch her drop in 5 mins.
I got a pair of chocolate brown pants for my brown jacket that is overly dressy. The pants are okay I guess but the wide leg makes me feel weird in them. And then here it comes.. The first fear of the day. High heels. High fucking heels. Brown ones with a buckle that just stared at me with their high heel. I swear if they could talk they would be telling me of all the times I would fall and trip in them. Again pretty much forced into getting them. I have never owned a pair of high heels in my life. Nor did I have any desire. I tried telling my mom if I just got a pair of brown converse everything would be great. Because I couldn't argue with the fact that black didn't match brown, it really doesn't. I am an artist so I kept my mouth shut on that. But high heels? Ugh. But the long wide legs of those damn chocolate brown pants were almost screaming for high heels. The irony is even without the high heels I would have probably tripped over the long pants. But now I won't have to worry about that because I'll be too busy trying to balance myself in my first pair of high heels. They are cute to look at sure. But once I put them on and tried to walk them out with the sales lady saying "practice makes perfect!" I tripped on my second step. After that I said screw it and went back to my grubby, dirty, holey, written on pair of comfy loving converse. I'll just have to hold my breath and pray I don't break a leg at my grandfather's birthday party in Phoenix when I wear the outfit and high heels for the first time.
After we got home I had to go return a movie to Hastings that was probably overdue. Oh well. I was walking out to my pretty blue car. My baby! When I saw it. A huge spider web. I mean a big spider web. With a huge spider right on it. Spinning the web as I froze completely to look at it. Normally I would take the nearest object and hurl it at the spider. But after buying a pair of high heels..what could I possibly have to lose, right? So I carefully took my camera out of my bag and leaned in as close I could dare, before zooming in the rest of the way and taking a picture. I was pretty damn impressed with myself I must say. Even though I had hurled the nearest object at it right after ending its short lived web spinning. The point was.. I took a picture of it. Also trying not to think about how just looking at the above picture still makes me cringe and shiver. Not sure I'll ever get over my spider phobia.. /shrug
All in all today wasn't too horrible. I went into Old Navy for those stupid chocolate brown pants. I hate that store so much. I can't remember ever liking it. Or liking anything other than Hot Topic and Wal-Mart. Even then its not like I go to Hot Topic for shits and giggles. Nor do I stay in there for more than 20 mins. But anyway, I was in Old Navy when a girl scoffed at me. Yes, scoffed. At. Me. Noticing she had a crap ton of stuff her and her friend were going to try on and also noticing she was one of those girls that was a bit overweight but wore shirts and pants that only brought that to attention... I quickly went over to the lil girls section and grabbed all the cute superhero shirts before following her into the dressing room. Of course I got the room right next to hers. And everytime I heard her come out to model something for her friend. I would come out and twirl around in the mirror in front of her. If looks or glares could kill..I'm fairly sure i'd be dead, or at least in a coma. But I found it hilarious. Almost as hilarious as her trying on pants that pushed her stomach out over the top of her pants. What do girls call that again? Oh yeah, muffin top. Hm muffins sound good right now. Too bad the mental image of that girl is ruining it though.
I couldn't really argue with the snotty girl that scoffed at me though. I don't belong in a store like that. And I had on Patty's old Deftones t-shirt and some dirty jeans. So I really looked stupid in there. Oh well, I got the last laugh.
I also saw some couple walking with their arms linked looking like they popped out of an old movie or some crap. He was even wearing a suit and she was wearing a long skirt with her blonde hair all done up. And her fake boobs popping out of her low cut top. Maybe its just because its a sunday I don't know. But I can't help the sick feeling I get in the pit of my tummy when I see couples like that. It makes me deep down wish they aren't as happy as they might look. Then maybe I'll feel more normal for being so unhappy and lonely. Horrible I know.
I noticed something the other day when I was reading my journals. Something that deeply bothered me for reasons I'm not sure of. I used to bake alot. Like a whole lot. I would make up my own recipes for cookies and brownies and crap. And give them weird names. Names like whatever I was feeling or thinking when I made them. Or something I really liked at that moment. One recipe was even named after 101 dalmations because I liked it alot when I was little. It was stupid and weird and I'm sure none of the recipes were at all good. But for some reason after reading that I felt like I should have never stopped doing that. And miss my quirky weird habit. So tomorrow..I'm fucking baking some cookies.
I got a pair of chocolate brown pants for my brown jacket that is overly dressy. The pants are okay I guess but the wide leg makes me feel weird in them. And then here it comes.. The first fear of the day. High heels. High fucking heels. Brown ones with a buckle that just stared at me with their high heel. I swear if they could talk they would be telling me of all the times I would fall and trip in them. Again pretty much forced into getting them. I have never owned a pair of high heels in my life. Nor did I have any desire. I tried telling my mom if I just got a pair of brown converse everything would be great. Because I couldn't argue with the fact that black didn't match brown, it really doesn't. I am an artist so I kept my mouth shut on that. But high heels? Ugh. But the long wide legs of those damn chocolate brown pants were almost screaming for high heels. The irony is even without the high heels I would have probably tripped over the long pants. But now I won't have to worry about that because I'll be too busy trying to balance myself in my first pair of high heels. They are cute to look at sure. But once I put them on and tried to walk them out with the sales lady saying "practice makes perfect!" I tripped on my second step. After that I said screw it and went back to my grubby, dirty, holey, written on pair of comfy loving converse. I'll just have to hold my breath and pray I don't break a leg at my grandfather's birthday party in Phoenix when I wear the outfit and high heels for the first time.
After we got home I had to go return a movie to Hastings that was probably overdue. Oh well. I was walking out to my pretty blue car. My baby! When I saw it. A huge spider web. I mean a big spider web. With a huge spider right on it. Spinning the web as I froze completely to look at it. Normally I would take the nearest object and hurl it at the spider. But after buying a pair of high heels..what could I possibly have to lose, right? So I carefully took my camera out of my bag and leaned in as close I could dare, before zooming in the rest of the way and taking a picture. I was pretty damn impressed with myself I must say. Even though I had hurled the nearest object at it right after ending its short lived web spinning. The point was.. I took a picture of it. Also trying not to think about how just looking at the above picture still makes me cringe and shiver. Not sure I'll ever get over my spider phobia.. /shrug
All in all today wasn't too horrible. I went into Old Navy for those stupid chocolate brown pants. I hate that store so much. I can't remember ever liking it. Or liking anything other than Hot Topic and Wal-Mart. Even then its not like I go to Hot Topic for shits and giggles. Nor do I stay in there for more than 20 mins. But anyway, I was in Old Navy when a girl scoffed at me. Yes, scoffed. At. Me. Noticing she had a crap ton of stuff her and her friend were going to try on and also noticing she was one of those girls that was a bit overweight but wore shirts and pants that only brought that to attention... I quickly went over to the lil girls section and grabbed all the cute superhero shirts before following her into the dressing room. Of course I got the room right next to hers. And everytime I heard her come out to model something for her friend. I would come out and twirl around in the mirror in front of her. If looks or glares could kill..I'm fairly sure i'd be dead, or at least in a coma. But I found it hilarious. Almost as hilarious as her trying on pants that pushed her stomach out over the top of her pants. What do girls call that again? Oh yeah, muffin top. Hm muffins sound good right now. Too bad the mental image of that girl is ruining it though.
I couldn't really argue with the snotty girl that scoffed at me though. I don't belong in a store like that. And I had on Patty's old Deftones t-shirt and some dirty jeans. So I really looked stupid in there. Oh well, I got the last laugh.
I also saw some couple walking with their arms linked looking like they popped out of an old movie or some crap. He was even wearing a suit and she was wearing a long skirt with her blonde hair all done up. And her fake boobs popping out of her low cut top. Maybe its just because its a sunday I don't know. But I can't help the sick feeling I get in the pit of my tummy when I see couples like that. It makes me deep down wish they aren't as happy as they might look. Then maybe I'll feel more normal for being so unhappy and lonely. Horrible I know.
I noticed something the other day when I was reading my journals. Something that deeply bothered me for reasons I'm not sure of. I used to bake alot. Like a whole lot. I would make up my own recipes for cookies and brownies and crap. And give them weird names. Names like whatever I was feeling or thinking when I made them. Or something I really liked at that moment. One recipe was even named after 101 dalmations because I liked it alot when I was little. It was stupid and weird and I'm sure none of the recipes were at all good. But for some reason after reading that I felt like I should have never stopped doing that. And miss my quirky weird habit. So tomorrow..I'm fucking baking some cookies.
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