So, after many failed attempts.. I wasn't able to sleep all night and all day. I started to fall asleep when Kevin texted me. So I was more than a little pissy when he was trying to discuss tomorrow's babysitting plans with me. Talking about Lori and him had to go in early and whatever else. I was close to just being like "I'll be there at 6:00 in the fucking morning if you just let me sleep right now." But he wouldn't know he was disturbing my sleep at like 1 in the afternoon. But I did show my pissyness when the discussion of the kids spending the night tonight came up. And I said fine. And then he started talking about how he didn't know if its what Ashley wanted. Then he said that she said..it depends on what we would do. At that point I couldn't help but be exasperated. I mean do I really not do enough to try to make her feel comfortable in my own damn home? Do I really not show her enough damn attention every time she is here making me feel guilty for "forcing" here? Every single time she spends the night she seems to leave happy so I find this hard to believe. And I have gone out of my way to make sure mom hasn't fucked shit up lately. She even went out of her way to buy both of them a book recently when neither of us have the fucking money to be spending. But we always do. Kinda like tonight when she spent it on taking Zach and I out to eat. And we always rent a damn movie with them.
But yeah, I told Kevin to tell her we would be doing the same crap we would be doing at her house if not more. Wii, board games, T.V., renting a movie, baking, sims, swimming maybe whatever. Is it really such a damn different between her house and mine at this point? I'd go with no seeing as everytime we are at her house she is saying "i'm bored" every five seconds. /rolls eyes
So yeah, I might have kinda freaked out at Kevin. But more so I freaked out and vented to Angela. Poor Angela was probably scared shitless by my overreaction of random anger and list of profanities. But I guess she might be used to it by now? /shrug
Needless to say Ashley spent the night at a friend's house and only Zach spent the night tonight. And let mom go and get him since I was in no mood. Though it was all pointless because I was unable to sleep the whole time they were gone. Eventually, I dragged myself out of the bed I had been in most of the day but hadn't slept in. And went to CiCi's with them to eat. I find it highly ironic how I can be so sleep deprived and yet be more clear. Its just easier to think on lack of sleep for me for some reason. And I realize I come to alot of epiphanys. But with that is becomes increasingly harder to block out all my rush of thoughts. And my eyes stay a nice bloodshot red with dark circles. But everything has pros and cons I suppose. Anyway, I degress...
When Zach and I were at CiCi's I used the word angsty to describe a song and he didn't know what I was talking about. And seeing as Zach is twenty billion times smarter than I'll ever be (even though he is 12) I found this bit of information almost laughable. So I explained it and quickly realized this is exactly what I feel right now. I'm a fucking angsty teenager! Without the teenage part! How..terrifying. But even with that knowledge and the lack of sleep in tow I still couldn't not snicker as I realized my cup said "wanna play?" And I quickly got a mental image of Edward saying this to Bella while looking at her like she would look better with some A1 steaksauce lathered in her hair. /shrug Blame the lack of sleep for that one. But I still laughed at my insanity.
But yeah, I told Kevin to tell her we would be doing the same crap we would be doing at her house if not more. Wii, board games, T.V., renting a movie, baking, sims, swimming maybe whatever. Is it really such a damn different between her house and mine at this point? I'd go with no seeing as everytime we are at her house she is saying "i'm bored" every five seconds. /rolls eyes
So yeah, I might have kinda freaked out at Kevin. But more so I freaked out and vented to Angela. Poor Angela was probably scared shitless by my overreaction of random anger and list of profanities. But I guess she might be used to it by now? /shrug
Needless to say Ashley spent the night at a friend's house and only Zach spent the night tonight. And let mom go and get him since I was in no mood. Though it was all pointless because I was unable to sleep the whole time they were gone. Eventually, I dragged myself out of the bed I had been in most of the day but hadn't slept in. And went to CiCi's with them to eat. I find it highly ironic how I can be so sleep deprived and yet be more clear. Its just easier to think on lack of sleep for me for some reason. And I realize I come to alot of epiphanys. But with that is becomes increasingly harder to block out all my rush of thoughts. And my eyes stay a nice bloodshot red with dark circles. But everything has pros and cons I suppose. Anyway, I degress...
When Zach and I were at CiCi's I used the word angsty to describe a song and he didn't know what I was talking about. And seeing as Zach is twenty billion times smarter than I'll ever be (even though he is 12) I found this bit of information almost laughable. So I explained it and quickly realized this is exactly what I feel right now. I'm a fucking angsty teenager! Without the teenage part! How..terrifying. But even with that knowledge and the lack of sleep in tow I still couldn't not snicker as I realized my cup said "wanna play?" And I quickly got a mental image of Edward saying this to Bella while looking at her like she would look better with some A1 steaksauce lathered in her hair. /shrug Blame the lack of sleep for that one. But I still laughed at my insanity.
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