Heart's desire

Today was so beyond horrible that I can't even begin to explain. I don't want to either really. Everything that could have went wrong did. And I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm falling into this huge depression. And I've never felt as alone as I do right now. Bleh I don't even want to blog right now but I thought maybe it would help I don't know.

I took this fortune telling quiz thing Angela sent me today. It was interesting. So here are my results -

Question 1.
I was suppose to write down animals (cow pig tiger horse and sheep) in order of importance to me. I put - sheep, horse, tiger, cow and pig. Meaning my priorities are Love, Family, Pride, Career and Money. Very accurate if you ask me. Especially since I don't have a Career or Money.

Question 2.
Describe in one word the following - dog, cat, rat, coffee and sea. They each mean something different. I put -
Dog - Loving = How I see myself.
Cat - Sweet = How I see my significant other.
Rat - Little - How I see my enemies.
Coffee - Strong = How I see sex. /snicker The only one that isn't accurate.
Sea - Dramatic = How I see my life. You would almost think I cheated on this one but I didn't. The reason Dramatic came to mind from "sea" was I was picturing waves crashing and my fear of drowning. Surprisingly making it completely accurate to how I see my life. /rolls eyes

Question 3.
Use these colors (yellow, orange, red, white and green) to depict people I know. They each meant something different. I put -
Yellow - Dad (Pie) = Somebody I'll never forget.
Orange - Alan = My true friend.
Red - Patty = Somebody I really love.
White - Angela = My twin soul.
Green - Val = Somebody I'll remember the rest of my life.
All of those are really accurate as well. Especially since Angela also put me for her "white" color. Creepy and awesome. We also both put our "significant other" as our red. Odd.

Okay well that's enough of that. Mom took me to Waffle House for dinner. I always know there is something up when she wants to take me to Waffle House. Its like her saying "I need to talk to you in a public place so you can't make a scene." Bleh, I tried to cheer myself up by ordering a pancake hoping the waitress would give me some amusing response. But all I got was "we don't have pancakes." Well duh, its a frigging Waffle House! Couldn't you have at least been offended by my obvious outrageous request? Whatever.. My picture of the day is my Edward candy bar, which is ironically named "heart's desire." Oh yeah Edward, you're my heart's desire.. After such a horrible day the only thing that I could think to bring me some small amount of comfort was coffee, Edward chocolate and a book.

Why I protest MTV

I woke up today and everybody was over at my house for lunch. We had lunch and spent time together before Amy and I went to Wal-Mart. Then we came back and played the Twilight board game. Of course I kicked butt. I beat them all bwhahahaha! I only missed one trivia question and it was because I confused myself. The question was what year was Edward born. And I said 1918, thinking of the year he was transformed into a vampire. Duh..the year he was actually born was 1901. Stupid me.

Speaking of Twilight, today was Bella's birthday. In the book that is. Even though technically if Twilight was real she would be a vampire by now and wouldn't have birthday's. Hmm..

After that I took the kids back to their house and I went over to Angela's to hang out. Making it the billionth time this month that we have tried to watch Twilight with the commentary. And instead we just talked and watched the MTV music awards. Making it the first time in 5 years that I have watched that channel. I have been protesting it because its a horrible station. My main reason being that support abortion too much. But today reminding me that there are so many more reasons to protest that horrible channel.. But I did get to see the stars of Twilight and a brand new extended trailer for New Moon! Wish it was November already!!

But seriously i'm going back to protesting MTV and not watching it again because its horrible. Hearing people say "this is award is for God and the gays" being one reason. Jack Black praying to Satan for another. Kayne West being a complete jerk as always. And all in all its just not entertaining. Add that to the fact its the biggest pro-choice station in the world and thats alot of good reasons to hate it.

I had alot of fun with Angela tonight. It was fun watching Kayne West make a complete idiot out of himself. Especially since people were finally like "hey he is a douchebag!" And I could finally go "THANK YOU! I always knew he was I'm glad you finally realize!"

I'm too tired to keep going so here are some random stuff and then I'm done.

Random thing that happened today:
I was driving home and I was on my road, completely dark, pitch black, no street lights, no cars behind me. And I am looking at the road and in the corner of my eye in the rearview mirror I see two glowing red eyes. Clear as day, glowing red eyes. I slam on my breaks and turn around and there is nothing there. Just my empty backseat, and pitch black darkness. I turn back around to start driving quickly the rest of the way to home, and I drive up a little bit and I see a coyote run across the road. He stopped dead and starred at me for a second then bolted. Fucking creepy! Here is what comes to mind from that - Red eyes = Volteuri Coyote = Werewolf. I blame my active imagination, too much Twilight, and Angela's ghost stories.


Quotes of the day:
Ashley: "Oh right his name is James.. Well it should be Jason, that seems more like what he should be named. Since he is a vampire and he has a pony tail."

Angela: "My _____ is small." (fill in the blank using your imagination!)

Random Question of the day:
Why does Kayne West have no shame at all?


P.s. I like this picture of Angela but I think she might be pissed off at me. Oh well it was my only picture from today. /halo

Bella Moments

Okay so this morning I have been so unbelievably clumsy. Like more so than normal. Today was nothing but Bella moments. In fact after today I think maybe Bella will start calling them "Toby moments." So instead of telling all the stories I'm just going to make a list. A frigging list of rules I should follow so I don't accidentally kill myself.

10 Rules to live by:
1. Don't fall asleep with your fan on because you will, of course, forget its on and sit up the next morning without thinking and hit yourself in the head. (Toby-0 Bunk Beds-1)
2. Don't put all your converse on the floor at the EXACT spot you normally jump down to get out of bed. You will hit them, you will trip, and you will fall right into the Edward stand-up poster.
3. Don't put your cell phone on the end table next to your coffee mug.
4. Don't lay on the green sofa in the living room with a mug of coffee on the end table behind you. You will forget it's there, you will stretch once you start to get sleepy and you will knock it over...right where your cell phone is.
5. Don't step out of the shower without making sure a towel is down. You will trip and you will fall and hurt yourself.
6. Don't EVER randomly decide to start putting your flat iron on the right side of the sink instead of your normal left side. Because you will reach for your brush on your left side and be quickly reminded that it's in fact your flat iron you just reached for.
7. Don't even bother trying to step on the convenient stepping stones in the front yard because you are not coordinated enough to use them properly. You will just lose your balance and end up tripping over them.
8. Don't even bother getting the mail anymore because you always just end up breaking it more.
9. When you see a puddle and you think you're smooth enough to jump over it. Think again..
10. When you have finally decided enough is enough and you're just going to sulk at your computer with a soda, knowing your bad luck so far.. Maybe open the can over a sink. Because it will spray all over your keyboard causing you to spend the next 15 minutes cleaning it up.


YEP! So that was my day. Well not really. That only took up the morning and part of the time after Lori and the kids left. But during all that it was actually great. The kids and I watched Raising Arizona (funny movie!) And then Lori came over and we went to the mall so Lori could get her hair cut. While Lori was getting her hair cut the kids and I went around at the different stores. As much as I hate the mall it was not so bad with the kids with me. I like watching their face light up over silly things. Also the Halloween store was fun. Though I'm slightly disappointed I won't be anything sexy/cute/pretty this year. As much as I love Bella and as much as I'm like Bella (maybe even more so after a day like today =[ ) I must admit her sense of style is kinda boring. Okay mine is too. But that is why Halloween is so great! I don't have to be boring that day! I can be somebody that's not myself! But instead I'm being somebody just like me? Maybe I should rethink this? I dunno! Though when I put it that way it makes me wonder why girls who have no problem dressing skanky..still dress skanky on Halloween. Maybe THEY should dress like Bella. Heh.

Anyway, we went to the Chinese place in the mall to eat before going to see the movie Aliens in the Attack. It was a pretty clean movie and pretty funny. I liked it alot and so did the kids. But I always have somebody obnoxious by me in the movies, I swear! This time it was two adults! Sitting right next to me and the lady next to me kept touching me on accident and putting her hand on my armrest. Like all over my armrest, I mean she had no sense of personal space. And her and her husband wouldn't shut up through the whole movie! I mean I have never wanted to tell a stranger "shut the hell up!" more than these two people. Which is saying alot. And saying even more considering I was able to refrain from saying it. But I didn't want to set a bad example in front of the kids, you know?

My picture is of Ashley, standing outside my house in the dark and stormy weather in my Forks High School baseball t-shirt. Because she forgot to pack one for today. /rolls eyes Its okay though it looks cute on her. And actually is long sleeved on her instead of quarter length like it should be. Hilarious!

Anyway, I'm at home now and trying carefully not to let another klutzy thing happen. So I'm just going to read my book. Innocently and hopefully safely read my book. No more accidents I hope. /crosses fingers


Random thing that happened today:
Yesterday I spent at least 20 minutes with Ashley looking for a movie in Hastings in the drama section that I could not for the life of me remember the name of. Then this morning I had a dream and woke up at 5 a.m. in the morning from the dream in which I remembered the name of the movie. Yes, I dreamed the name of the movie then woke up and I was like "FINDING NEVERLAND! That's the name!" /falls back asleep I think this says something about the unconscious mind. Don't you?


Random Quotes of the day:
Zach: "All cards should have music inside."

Zach: "I'm not sure I'm cool enough to pull off Emmett."

Ashley: "I could easily be Rosalie, I'm not saying I can't, just that I don't want to."
Me: "That's the spirit!"


Random Question of the day:
What do you call a girl who is a slut every day of the year EVEN on Halloween?

Happy Birthday Alan and Timmy

So yesterday was Alan's birthday. Then today was Timmy's birthday. Yeah, he was born on 9-11 lulz. Sucks for him right? Anyway, today was pretty busy. Lets see if I can sum this up. I actually had 8 hours of sleep for once in forever. I only woke up 4 times during the night and was still able to go back to sleep. That. Is. A. Miracle.

I woke up took a shower, stuck my hair in a pony tail, drank coffee, went to the store to buy stuff to make smores, saw a really hot guy that I couldn't stop starring at. Then I went to sonic got Amy and I a drink. Went to Amy's house had lunch with them. Spent a few hours there, made smores for Adam and Daniel and extra for Zach and Ashley. Daniel kissed me on my tummy when I was leaving and left a huge chocolate lip mark on my t-shirt. Then I went to the school to pick up Zach and Ashley. Sat there for 30 minutes waiting for them. Ashley was late because apparently Jc (that's a girl) got dumped by her boyfriend and was crying on the bus. Yeah, I don't know, middle school drama lol! Then they both finally got there I hugged them (they are okay with me hugging them while they are still on school grounds! Aw!)

Then we went to sonic (again) and we all got drinks. Then we went back to their house to drop off their school bags and pick up their after night bags. Then we went back to my house to pick up Mom. Then we went to the library, then Hastings, then Cici's pizza. We took forever to pick out two movies at Hastings, all so we could just come home and watch my Twilight dvd with the commentary on. That's what I get for quoting it all the time around them.

Okay, now for my Cici's story. We walk in and he asks Ashley's age, then Zach's, except when he was asking Zach he was already typing him in for the discount. Then he looks at me and says "and 13." And types me in for the discount. And we all just stood there and looked at each other. And I'm like "I'm 22." And he pauses and stares at me like I'm an alien and says "I'm sorry?" And I say "I'm 22." And he says "Oh..I already typed it in." So I shrug and grab my plate and walk away as I hear my Mom saying "All my daughters are like that!" Oh God, kill me now. So at that point my face is as red as a tomato. And Ashley quickly makes things worse by saying loudly "Its just like that time with Stefan the Carnie!" Great. So then I go and sit down and my Mom proceeds to repeat the embarrassment like three times saying "He thought you were 13 or 14! /laughs!" At that point I was just pissed and was like "Yeah, thanks, it was offensive the first time." Good times. Seriously, its great I got a discount out of it and what not. But 13? Really? Okay, sure, I'll give you that I don't like 22. But 13!? Sigh. I look like a little girl who hasn't even fully developed. When in fact, this is as developed as I'll ever get. Thanks. Looks like I'll be wearing make up alot more now. Cool!

At some point during the day I realized I hit 50,000 miles! Go me! I remember the day I told Val.. "Look Val, my goal is to get my driver's license before I hit 50,000 miles on my car. So get off my back already!" Good times. Well, I just hit it today so I'm way ahead of schedule! Ha..

After Cici's we went home and I showed the kids some funny Twilight spoofs and then we watched Twilight with the commentary. And I cracked up at their reactions when they walked into my room and saw Edward. Zach just paused while in mid sentence and raised his eyebrows. And Ashley goes "AHHHHWHATTHECRAP!!!" Anyway, tomorrow we are going to bake cookies and play the Twilight board game. And I'm going to probably take them out to the movies. And maybe the mall (ugh hope they don't want to do that!)


Quote of the day:
Me: "I guess this is what I get for wanting to be a vampire. I actually won't ever age. I'll always look prepubescent."
Ashley: "And I wanted to see why she was crying so I like waited and then Ashley was all 'her boyfriend dumped her' and I was all 'Oh is that all? Okay I gotta go bye!'"
Zach: "Yeah, I kicked her in the butt and I actually seriously hurt my leg on her tailbone."
Me: "No, I'm not short.. Edward is just tall! Okay, maybe I'm short. Can we call it fun size instead? It makes me sound delicious!"
Zach: /imitating James from Twilight "Ohhh you brought a snack!"

Random Question of the day:
Am I the only one that gets nervous and sick to my stomach when I even get near a school?

Peace out cub scout! (btw Ashley joined the scouts! Aw!)

Vampire Diaries

So today I watch the series premiere of Vampire Diaries. It was..okay..I guess. Its no Twilight lets put it that way. But man, both the human girl and the vampire guy write in Diaries. And it made me want to take a picture of my favorite diary for my pic of the day. Then I started thinking..if I was a vampire what would I write in my diary? Well..let me tell you.

Dear Diary,
I look pretty. I have bigger boobs than I used to, because I am a vampire and I have to be pretty to my prey. But I don't actually feed on human blood. I'm a vegetarian! No, I don't like peas, not THAT kinda vegetarian. I enjoy sun! But I can't go out in it..or I will sparkle. I'm very pretty when I sparkle, but it scares the humans. I am rich because I live forever! I am going to look the same age for the rest of my life. I live with a "family" of vampires. My hobbies include; being perfect at everything, pretending to be human, going to high school for the rest of my life, using big words to show that I am smarter than humans, making fun of werewolves, using my special power in front of other vampires who don't have a power to make them feel inferior, and dazzling cute human boys.

Signed - Toby the Vampire


Random things that cheered me up:
My Mom randomly surprised me with the jacket I've been wanting forever that looks just like Bella's in the movie! YEAH! She must have ordered it forever ago when she was still wanting to buy me stuff to "apologize." Whatever, I'll take it!

Amy invited me to eat lunch with her tomorrow. My favorite too, which is mini bbq hot dogs, heck yeah! But i'm not posting of a picture of it until tomorrow.

19. What is the funniest thing you've ever heard #3 do? oh crap, not sure. We laugh so hard we cry every time we are around each other!
21. If #3 died, would you be lost? in more ways than imaginable!!! She is my soul sister. The Bella to my Alice.

^This was actually something on Angela's facebook from a few days ago. But I saw it on my facebook again today and it made me just as happy as the first time I read it. Knowing somebody would be lost if I died is comforting. Is that weird? Ah well..


Random Question of the day:
Can vampires burp?

Mongrel Mix

I finished Eclipse today. I went to Wal-Mart and stared at some baking stuff for a while hoping I'd get some random inspiration to bake something other than cookies. Instead I just thought of a ton of other cookie recipes I could do. So then I thought well maybe if I went to Hastings and looked in the cooking section of the books. But alas, I didn't help either. Instead I found myself completely disgusted by a book called "365 Ways to Cook Chicken." At that point I threw my hands up in the air and yelled "DONE!"

I read a pretty hilarious Twilight Fanfic today and sent it to Angela. She thought it was pretty hilarious so did Lori. Here I'll sum it up for you-
Dear Bella,
Until you moved to Forks we thought Edward was gay.
Signed,
The Cullens.

Since I had just got done reading Eclipse and yesterday I had that run with those Team Jacob chicks. I decided to make chex mix today instead of cookies, and name is Mongrel Mix. Suck it Jacob fans! Anyway, we've always had this recipe in our family. We've always just called it "chex mix" but I always thought that was stupid since people automatically think the dry kind of check mix when we talk about it. And most people call it puppy mix anyway. I will most def call it Mongrel Mix from now on. Its a good name. I think Angela liked it too, she pretty much woofed it down! Get it?! Woofed! Jacob! Wofl?! HA! I totally laughed while typing that. Or rather I lotied. That's what Angela, Lori and I are calling it now. When you laugh on the inside. Its better than just typing "lol" when you really didn't laugh out loud. I love us.

I have had my Bella engagement ring stuck on my right ring finger for the past 4 days. Finally after all this time I got it off, with a little help from Lori and Angela, and some cucumber melon lotion. I stupidly put it on that finger when some cute guy was extremely close to talking to me and then his eyes slowly noticed the ring on my left ring finger. In slow motion his eyes bulged out of his sockets then he slowly spun around and walked away. As much as I was not looking forward to attempting to talk to a cute boy, and the whole idea even now makes me want to either throw up or pass out. I was slightly disappointed that I didn't get to at least try. Or at least go "UH HI UH I GOTTA GO!" and run away myself. So I forcefully shoved the ring on my left ring finger. Which is not something I will be doing again any time soon. Because apparently fingers swell, and if you have to push a ring past your knuckle in the first place, chances are it wasn't meant for that finger. The end.

My first picture is my Mongrel Mix, its really good but it wasn't the BEST batch I've ever made.. /pout The second picture is the other Twilight tee I got last week. I wanted to take a picture of it but I was wearing it so I just took a picture of it in the mirror. And I'd like to point out that I think its awesome you can see the lil shape cling-ons in the bathtub. I love proof that kids are around often. /grin

Quotes of the day:
Me: "And then he did the whole 'I'm totally gonna talk to her' dance."

Angela: "I lotied and that made me lol."

Lori: "meh!" /does random shrugging motion with hands

Hank: "Gross put that thing away!"
Me: "Afterall these years I finally find your weakness, and its bras?"

Edward from Eclipse: "But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don’t care whose fault it is; I don’t care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?"

Team Edward

Its already day 8 of September. I have had my Twilight calender on July/August for the past 8 days still. But who can blame me when its Edward? I took a picture of it today in hopes that I'll be able to finally say goodbye to it and move on tomorrow haha. Oh how I miss summer already. /pout

I saw Lori, Kevin and the kids tonight. Mom and I went out to eat with them at Chili's. We gave them the Arizona t-shirts we got for them. I asked them if they wanted to spend the night at my house on Friday night, and they agreed. Looks like I'll be picking them up after school. I'm excited. I have secretly always wanted to pick them up from school. Though I really wish they didn't have to go back to school so soon, and am still sad that I missed being here for their first day. I am extremely happy that I will finally be able to drive by myself to pick up the kids from school! I remember when Amy used to pick me up from school back when I went to New Horizon Academy. Ugh, with my little catholic school girl uniform. /shivers Anyway, she would make me smores and bring them with her. One time she had to use colored marshmallow's because we were out of the white ones. She thought I would be disappointed but it just added to the excitement factor. Maybe I should do that for the kids. They would love that! Oh, I can't wait!

I went to Hastings after and rented some movies. Two vampire movies and one random romantic comedy so Mom wouldn't bitch at me when I forced her out of the living room to watch my vampire movies on the big screen. /snicker I literally just went down the comedy/drama isle and grabbed the first movie I hadn't seen. Even if Mom has seen it, which i doubt, she won't remember it. She never remembers seeing movies. I find it both hilarious and fucking annoying when I say "I don't want to see that, we saw it already" and she insists she hasn't when I know damn well I saw it with her. I have a nearly perfect memory for God's sake!

When I was at Hastings I went to look at the books, like normal. I have been thinking about reading that series that Angela is reading. The True Blood series, but I can't decide. The Vampire Dairies series seems interesting too. And yet I'm not sure if I really want to read another Vampire series at the same time. /shrug Either way, I was sitting down reading part of the book. And two tween girls walked by and one of them stopped and pointed to my Twilight bag. And said, "What team?" At first I didn't realize what the hell she was talking about. But then I realized she was asking me if I was on Team Jacob or Team Edward. So of course I answered, "Team Edward." They both gave me the most disgusted looks I've ever recieved from tween girls without rolling my eyes or verbally abusing them. And the shorter girl said "Gross.." while the other girl said "Bloodsucker." And they both walked away. The whole time I was just sitting there with the book in front of my face frozen. Until about 5 minutes after when I was just like..wait, did I just get called a bloodsucker? At that point I couldn't help but crack up laughing. Even though its hilarious, I can't help but wonder if they just go around randomly asking that to anybody they say, Twilight bag or not. Wouldn't that be funny? Kinda makes me want to do it. Next random person I see I'm going to go up to them and say, "What team?" And if they answer Jacob I'll look at them like they are stupid and say "mongrel." Ahahahaha! No but really Angela and I are going to figure out where those tweens live and spray paint "Dog house" on their front door.

That being said, I read Eclipse for the..I don't know third time? Forth? And I have decided that Jacob really does get on my last nerve. And even though I laughed and thought Bella was stupid for punching Jacob in the nose when she should have known she would just break her hand. I can't help but think, I would do the EXACT same thing. Only after I broke my hand I would realize that didn't work, pick up a crowbar and go back at it. Hmm I just got a brilliant beyond brilliant idea for tomorrow's cookie idea!